Cashflows with Cash Matthews
Financial behavior, entrepreneurship, and the path to success in what we like to call the Good Life!
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Cashflows with Cash Matthews
114. Steps to Recovery and Resilience - Suddenly Single
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What happens when your world is suddenly turned upside down, leaving you single in the blink of an eye? Whether through the sudden loss of a spouse or an unexpected divorce, the journey can be overwhelming and daunting. In this heart-wrenching episode of Cashflows, I, Cash Matthews, share the gripping story of my own childhood disruption and my mother's extraordinary resilience. From the depths of despair, we uncover the steps you can take to navigate the turbulent waters of sudden singleness.
Drawing on the timeless wisdom of Ann Landers and personal anecdotes, we tackle the critical steps towards recovery and reclaiming your life. We offer solace and practical advice, emphasizing that taking even the smallest step forward can make a monumental difference. This episode is designed to be a guiding light, reminding you that you don’t have to face these challenges alone and that there is hope and a path to a brighter future. Tune in for a compassionate and empowering discussion that promises to resonate deeply and offer actionable steps for anyone facing the storm of unexpected singleness.
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Hello, entrepreneurs, dreamers, business owners and happy people with high hopes. Welcome to Cash Flows with your host, cash Matthews.
Cash Matthews:All right, welcome. Glad to have you here today. Our show is called Cash Flows. My name is Cash Matthews and I'm going to be talking a little bit about a topic that's kind of heavy for most people, but it's one that we need to talk about.
Cash Matthews:The concept, as today's title is called, suddenly single what to do when it's just you. You know, this is one of those things we really need to talk about. It's tough to talk about and, with half the marriages ending in divorce and the other half ending in death, this is a timely topic. It gets a little bit better once we talk about it and then you begin to take action. You know, some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength, and that's true in some cases for sure. However, there are times when it takes a lot more strength to know when to let go and then take care of business. And now that's a quote from Ann Landers, and I've always admired her wisdom and she always seemed to know what to do in tough situations.
Cash Matthews:Now it's possible you're feeling a little bit lost right now, as if the whole world has conspired against you and there's nowhere left to run. You might be in a challenging situation where you ask yourself how can I even go on Suddenly single? Being single unexpectedly is a difficult place to be. It's a season filled with unknowns and challenges and it's scary. Death and divorce can strike suddenly and the impact lasts a lifetime. Now, as much as I'd love to give some type of immediate consolation, conversations like this are simply a starting point for you to jump on the road to recovery. We're glad you're here having that conversation here on Cash Flows, talking about suddenly single, because becoming single very suddenly is life changing and, as painful as it can be, wherever you are right now, you do not have to stay there. So I'm glad you're sitting here with me today and listening. Sometimes having something or somebody to talk to or pour into can begin to make the difference for you. And I assure you there is life after tragedy, there is hope for those that want to live, to fight another day and make it through the storm and we all know it can be difficult just to get our bearings and to know which direction to go. And these conversations, they are simply a step. How many steps does it take to recover? I don't know, but you'll figure it out. So be proud that you're taking action and I'm a big believer that action cures everything. Ace, action changes everything and during this time you can be an ace just by taking the next small step in front of you.
Cash Matthews:You know, when I was six years old, it was a weird evening. I'd come home from playing baseball in the backyard and my mom and dad were in a very different frame of mind when I came in the house and what I thought was dinner was not dinner. It was the first day of the breakup of our family forever. I couldn't be consoled, my brother couldn't be consoled and my dad left his family behind. We didn't know what to do. My mom didn't know what to do. I'd lost the man that I depended on. That gave me some type of security. And now he's letting me know at dinner that he's leaving, and I don't know that I ever got over that.
Cash Matthews:But I watched my mother climb back step by step, garage sale after garage sale, to help take care of her babies. We picked berries together with other workers and just to be able to afford to eat, and those times were desperately tough. But my mom took every step and assured us along the way we're going to get through this, we're going to be fine, we're going to be okay. Don't you boys worry about it. My mom allowed me to be a boy. Still, your mama has your back and a lot of people think somebody has their back and I hope that's the case. And my mom did have my back and for that I'm thankful. But that moment that I lost the security in my life, I don't believe I ever got over it and right now you're in the same situation. Similarly, that's been put upon you, either by divorce or death, and I mentioned 50% of the marriages end in divorce and the other half end in death. Man, that is just part of life, to whatever degree.
Cash Matthews:But this show, cash Flows, is talking about suddenly single. It's about preparing, recovering, planning and understanding what is the next step. What do I even do? What do I do now? So with that, I have to tell you sort of my pedigree in talking about these subjects. I've been a financial advisor most of my adult life and from the time I was in my early 20s and in these 40 plus years or so, I've seen about 200 divorces, either clients or, in my world, my friends, and that sounds like a lot, but it's about four or five a year and I've seen about a hundred deaths in my world, and that's about two a year in the last 40 or so years. So it's not that we've had this great, you know, run of death and divorce happening. I've just been watching it for years and years and in there you begin to understand the commonalities for men and women who are going through this and the things and steps that they must do to recover.
Cash Matthews:Now, at the end of the show today, I'm going to offer you an opportunity to get a free copy of this book Suddenly Single that I wrote. Suddenly Single what to do when it's just you and it's a real simple thing not trying to make money off the book. If you'll email us, we'll deliver it. Either we can have coffee together or I'll mail you a copy and I'll give you my email real quick. Where you can find us you can always email the Cashflow Show at cashflows at tulsabongcom. Bong is B-O-N-G stands for Business Owners Networking Group Cashflows at tulsabongcom, and we'll repeat that later on in the show so you can get your free copy of Suddenly Single. So I'm going to share a couple of things that I think are really important when you're about to become suddenly single.
Cash Matthews:Now. At first, when I began to see things happening, you try to assign blame on who did this. Why is it this way? And death and divorce are they similar or dissimilar? And you know, anybody who's been through either will tell you that you know. One may not be as bad, but let me tell you there are some commonalities. If divorce is a conversation in front of you right now, I'm going to share with you the number one thing I believe you should do. When you feel like a divorce is on the way and I've given this advice for I don't know 25 years, especially with the onset of everything being online your checking accounts, retirement accounts, phone bill, utility bills and when that day comes, or even in advance of that, the thing you must do immediately is change your passwords. You got to go change your passwords immediately. You know.
Cash Matthews:I had a friend in my office recently and she said I don't really want to do that, it's going to make him mad at me. And he had already said we're getting a divorce and moved out. And I just said ma'am, let's be realistic here. He's filed for divorce and I've seen it more times than not, where one person can perpetuate online activity that's not authorized, and I was talking with a lady who had gone through divorce. I got a call from the husband and he said who are you and why did you talk to my wife 11 times last month? And the lady had become a client of mine, so I couldn't really talk about that. But I talked to her and here's what I said. Basically, I said, friend, I am counseling her on some significant issues in her life. See, the husband had gone and stocked her phone bill and saw that we talked to each other 11 times and now he wanted to have an issue with me. I'm the happiest little guy in the world.
Cash Matthews:Please, though, if divorce is coming at you, or if it's already happened, take the first step. They're already mad. Take the step. Change your passwords on what Everything Electric bill, phone bill. Separate your cell phone, investments, insurance, separate it. They don't get to have access to your phone if they don't have full access to you, and when they say goodbye, they need to say goodbye to those accounts as well.
Cash Matthews:Some of these things aren't easy, because maybe there's a possibility of reclaiming the relationship, and let me say this I pray that that's the ultimate outcome in a divorce. I pray that that happens, but while it's happening, you don't have to make yourself vulnerable to the exploits of other people, regardless of your previous relationship. The number one thing I say to everybody and it's in the appendix of our book the number one thing I say to everybody is change your passwords. It'll take you an hour or two or three, but it'll be the best hour or two for you. It's a preventive thing. It'll be the best hour or two for you. It's a preventive thing. It'll be the best hour to help you get back on the road to success. You're not calling anybody out. It is you now claiming or reclaiming the life that you're rebuilding. So when you rebuild a life, you're entitled to complete privacy. Change your passwords.
Cash Matthews:In the world of reclaiming your life, it's the number one thing I see that has brought a problem in the world of divorce. Now. Number two is that, I believe, is vital and we only have a couple of things. We're almost finished with our show today and I want have a couple of things. We're almost finished with our show today and I want this show to be short. I want it to be impactful. I wanted to introduce the suddenly single book and let you know that you can get a free copy at you know, here at our office, and. But the number two thing you need to do is update all your beneficiaries. Now, if you have children that are younger than the age of 18 and can't be your beneficiary, you need to speak with the right kind of attorney and see what type of accounts you need to set up to make sure your children are first in line and you know. If you're getting a divorce, you got to take care of your kiddos. Change those passwords, update your beneficiaries, update your will, update any type of bill where you guys share joint custody of a bill.
Cash Matthews:Yeah, it's a little more difficult, but it's the way that you can. You know, I don't even want to call it fighting back. It's just taking action preventive, swift, immediate, easy to do action. Action cures everything. Remember, you're in a moment right now. That's difficult and you know I went through that with my mother until she got remarried 10 years later to a wonderful man, and I pray that somebody comes into your life that makes sense at the right time. I tell all of my clients go through these tragedies, don't live in them, go through them, don't make any major decisions in the first year, don't get remarried. I don't know about dating, I don't even know how that works, but I do know this. Step at a time, inch by inch, it's a cinch Move in the correct direction, even if it's a little bit every day, just a little bit every day, and there'll be days where, man, that is a tough one.
Cash Matthews:You need to have a support system. You need someone to talk to. You know, we all need to be reminded that we are important. We all need to be reminded that you know we matter to someone else. Take those steps, build a support team, even if it's just one person. It can be your attorney, your advisor, your family, your friends. But there's one last thing to know After about four weeks, they're all going to go back to their normal lives, because that's what we're called to do. There will be moments when you look around and there is nobody around. Make sure, though, you have somebody around that agrees to talk to you, and that first year is critical. So make sure you have an attorney, an advisor, a CPA, somebody to talk to in the first year, as you're going through these things. So I'm going to close out with that.
Cash Matthews:We'd love to give you a free copy of this book. Suddenly Single, what to Do when it's Just you? And on the back we have a note to self that says you know one moment at a time, one day at a time, one thought at a time, and you can email us and get that book. Cash flows at Tulsa bongcom. We'd love to get a free book in your hand and have coffee with you and pat you on the back and give you a hug. We'd love to hear what's going on in your world and if you know somebody else that's in a struggle, we'd love to visit with them. You know they can just come in and hang out. That's what I'm good at. So thank you for being here today on the cashflow show. We look forward to the next show and staying in contact with you. Thanks for being here. Things will get better.
Speaker 1:That's our show for today. Stay tuned for another riveting edition of cash flows.
